Choosing Joy

 Hi all, So I must say, this weekend was pretty special. Actually dare I say AMAZING! Some of you may know, others may not, but this weekend was my birthday. Yep getting up there with the rest of them, seems like.😝 If you don't include this past year, well actually 2 years, it hasn't been too bad so far. What I do know for sure though, seems its starting to take longer and longer to scroll down to find my birth year when im filling out forms online nowadays.😒😆 All jokes aside, well who am I kidding of corse there will be jokes, always. I had a truly amazing weekend! The past I don't know 2-4 years or so, id say i've looked forward to my birthday arriving, but once it got here it was like "oh, the wait and anticipation is gone and now your telling me I have to wait ANOTHER 365 days till it comes again?! well daymn ain't that some sh*t".  No, no, not this year my dear friends. This year I can honestly say, I truly have felt so much joy, love, support, and...

Hey all, So I feel like I can aready feel you confusion of what the above picture is. Well for those of you who don’t know what it is, it’s a giant ear cleaner. Just be careful how far you push it in….. HA just kidding. For those of you who do know, trust me I feel your pain, literally. However for those who don’t know what it is, it’s the wand they use for internal vaginal ultrasound. Oh yeah buddy, that crazy long yet oddly shaped wizard wand with a nob at the bottom, goes in your vagina as far as you would imagine, right to the handle I’m sure, or at least it feels like it does.🤦🏻‍♀️ Oh but don’t worry it’s covered by a condom. Lort knows I’m not trying to get pregnant from an ultrasound machine right now given my current cancer situation. So we better wrap that sucker up. Like they say “don’t be a fool, cover your tool”. Or one of my personal favourites, “cover your stump before you hump”, seeing as I’m sure the last thing anybody wants is to show up at their doctors office with ...

So, I came to a very interesting revelation this morning. It seems to me I feel as though I have lost myself in the progress/process of this blog. Im sure as you read this you have NO idea what i'm even rambling on about and thats completely fine. Seeing as this thought has been mulling around in my head for the past few hours if not a day. Seems as of late I have not been writing this blog for myself.  Although this blog I put out each Monday, its become my routine to write it rushingly the night before or day of, just to get the content out. 🙄🤦  The intention of this blog was to get out my experiences into the world, help me process them and hopefully help some others along the way. However, seems my view has changed as of late. Now, don't get wrong the story is FAR from over, I haven't even mentioned the second surgery yet. It seems to me though that I have been writing as of late just to get something out, not necessarily from a "healing standpoint". I feel ...

  Ode to my uterus.... You were there when my life started, and grew with me through time. Little did I know you'd no longer just be mine. We've been through highs and lows together, much to my dismay. But now we must be parted, it sucks to be this way. Seems as though this was my path I was directed to, But since the choice seemed not my own, i'm feeling like a fool. A fool you ask?, why must you say such a devastating words. Well how this whole crap-show started was because of female urge. What urge is this you wonder deep, of all the things to say, Naturally, the urge to become a mother, and have a little one one-day. A beautiful little mocha mixed baby that we could call our own, Instead I got this bulls*t news that forever rocked our home. "You have cancer", the female voice said on the other end of the phone, Lucky for me to hear this at work, instead of the comfort of my home.😒 I cant help but be sarcastic, its what helps to get me though This clearly is n...

Hello all! Welcome back to the next instalment of this dramatic soap opera that is my real life. You know, looking back on the past 20 or so posts of this blog, I cannot help but take a step back and think  Je*us H. Chr*st, I have been through a lot. In fact more than most people have been through in a life time. Which is good, better me than them.......I guess. 🤷 Makes me wonder though, how would other people handle something of this caliber? or how would just a "normal" person in general deal with a "feat" like this? Seeing as we all know up to this point that for sure i'm as normal as a dog riding a skateboard. 🛹🐕Oh yeah of corse its fun to watch at first, and h3ll your even a little fascinated by its talents to learn and adapt. But deep down you can't help but be just a tad worried that it may fall and really hurt itself. Of corse no-one wants to see a broken animal, especially if its cool enough to learn to use a skateboard. Maaaaan.... i'm 36, a...

Well friends here we are, the first "surgery" in this cancer saga of mine. Not gonna lie you should all get comfy/cozy, maybe a snack, and a drink as I can already feel this one is gonna be long one. Go ahead, ill wait....... All set and ready to go? ok awesome lets get started! I felt there was a reason why it took me so long to write this post. In some warped subconscious universe it’s like I was subconsciously stalling the inevitable.....like having diarrhea at a theme park. 🤷🏻‍♀️💩🚽 Excuse me sir, did you really think that eating 12 deep fried Oreos, chicken shawarma with extra pickled radish, 2 blooming onions, a soft serve ice cream cone dipped in red hot Cheetos, and to top it all off, a lime neon green slushy thats bright enough to glow in the dark and is as big as a moderately sized elephant would have you coming out on the winning end of this? Yeah I didn’t think so either. Just throwing that out there for a minute. 🤪😂. As you can clearly read, I’m back b*tches...

Hi Friends, So I know that this blog was a day late in its posting, but reassured it was for good reason. Not simply for the fact its a long weekend. Im sure for all of us right now that truly means nothing to any of us seeing as where can anyone go in Ontario during pandemic lockdown....Oh pardon me, the grocery store or if you are really feeling adventurous, the pharmacy or the gas station but for the most part thats about it. I actually know that I touched upon this a few posts back, but I wanted to touch on it again. Self love. It seems to be a common term nowadays that everyone and their mother is throwing out into the world. However looking back on it, I never really put into too much deep thought about how important self love really is. As a self proclaimed workaholic, there was never any time to implement self love, let alone set time aside for it. there were too many other things that needed to be taken care of first before I could even imagine taking care of anything that res...

Whaddup Ladies and Gents, Welcome back to another post about my ever eventful life journey. I know as of late i've been posting a lot about my cancer journey, seeing as well....theres just too much not to tell! I thought maybe this week I would switch it up and talk a little, or a lot in my case, about my weightloss journey. As I previously mentioned, i've been overweight my entire life. Actually, no, Let's call a spade a spade. Ive been morbidly obese, most, if not all of my life. I could go into a long winded debate about a nature versus nurture scenario, but what's the point really. What has happened, happened. Which is partially why I wanted to discuss this particular topic on this blog of mine. It was always so easy for me not to exercise and just stay on the couch watching the trashiest dumpster fires on tv. Which often consisted of any of the 90 day fiancé episodes, or even the Kardashians for that matter. Back when I used to still live with my mom, she would alw...

  Hey all, I just wanted to say thank you to all of you who have reached out to me over the week. I really do appreciate it. So where did I leave off, the PET scan.... Even though it seemed as though this test was one of the more easier ones, well in terms of actually doing it. There was quite a lot riding on this test in the long run. I feel at this point both myself and the doctors put a lot into this test, in terms of being able to find out what was really going on. Before I knew it, the test results were on my patient portal, and yet here I was again with the hurry up and wait scenario, seeing as I had no idea what any of it even meant. As much as I wanted to hunt down my oncologist to review the results, I had a minor idea of what they meant, and knew it was better just to wait. Also, seeing as I already told her that I reached out to Dr J about the last results she took what felt like year to review. I was "luckier" this time, and my oncologist was able to get back to m...

Hi all, Hope you're all doing well. Seems this week Im going to be doing something a little bit different. "off the cuff" some might say. Mind you for those of you who have been reading this blog all along, I've never been really "on the cuff" if you will.😆 I had an idea in mind of what I wanted to write about this week, the PET scan results with some funny sarcastic spin on it as I normally do. However, I tried, I really really tried. I wouldn't come, the words just would not form in any sort of way in my head, let alone, flow through my fingers out onto my keyboard.  No matter how hard I tried, pushed, sat and waited. They would not come out. Some would call that writers block I guess.  I've somewhat dealt with that in the past, but this week? this week was different. To be honest I cannot really explain it, all I know, it's beyond my control and unbearably frustrating. My wonderful husband jokes to me each week when I go to write a blog post ...

   This is not a picture of my own scan, This just to give an idea of what the scan looks like. So here we are at another test. I know that may come off as passive aggressive, but really its not intended to be that way. I am feeling so blessed to be able to have such an amazing team behind me to give me such great care. Even If I had to jump through quite a few hoops to get there. Next in the line up of tests, was a PET scan. For those of you who do not know what a PET scan is, the machine itself looks like  an MRI or CT machine, but it provides more specific results. According to dr. Google,  a PET scan, also known as a positron emission tomography, is a machine that doctors use to locate/check for disease inside the body. The person having the test is given dye containing "radioactive tracers", depending what part of the body they are looking at will decipher how the dye will be given i.e. orally, injection etc. But here's the thing though, given the nature of the ...