Chapter 5: Fertility visit, the beginning of the end....

Well, now that I’ve looked back at the title of this post I realized how grim it sounds. Sorry. Actually,  it’s really not so bad. Honestly!

I do however want to say thank you to everyone who has reached out with their concerns. Please don't worry, I have certainly changed doctors and are now being better taken care of by my new fertility company....A-holes.😒

So i'm sure you  are wondering after all this insanity, why did I go back to that crap hole of a fertility clinic...and truly at this point I was actually thinking the same thing myself. Am I really willing to devalue myself this much? for what?! even if we were able to have a beautiful mocha baby out of this, is this the example I want to set for my child and not stand up for myself?....naaaaa🙅🙅🙅🙅🙅

But I couldn't help but feel, that i've come this far and have gone through so much. I just want to know what's wrong with me? is it me? at this point it really didn't matter. All I knew,  it wasn't happening and I needed to know why. Call it women's intuition, I felt it in my gut,  it was me, its my fault. I am the reason why we don't have a child, and as much as I was searching, all I seemed to be getting was more and more frustrated, upset, lost, and to be honest, sore. Naturally given how rough the staff have been throughout this whole freak show that has been my life recently. 

So wait, hold on, I'm sorry... what? you still want me to do what with my husband in the midst of all this?! Ive had, at least, 368 people not only look at my lady bit, on purpose by the way. But every one of those 368 people have either grabbed, pushed, pulled, prodded or starred at my damn cooter without even taking me out for a 🍔 or🍹 first! So TRUST me, the last thing I want to do with ANYONE including my husband is THAT.

No.  I'd decided I had enough, no more of this garbage. I NEED ANSWERS. After having a heart to heart with my husband, paired with a solid, deep, Oprah style ugly cry. Which I'm now a professional at by the way, we came to a decision. No more. My next, and last, fertility appointment was that next morning and after that..🚫!

At the end of the day, The only reason people can make you feel like shit is because you allow them. Well, it is at this point I say NO MORE. Time to find and own my own joy again! So away I went the next morning. With my hair in a tight bun, work laptop in my hand, and my ass kicking shoes on. #BOSSBITCH! Let's get it people! 

I waddled in the door as best I could, with my #bossbitch bun held high, pain and all. Ready to take on the world, and any bullshit they might throw at me. I walked in the ultrasound room and immediately closed the door, as no-one who works there likes to do. They obviously needed an in-service of how to do this.🙄 So there I was Mrs. Porter,  "professional door closer extrodinaire!" Yuh welcome....  I "got ready", laid on the table, and waited patiently. For 15 minutes by the way, as whatever party plans the staff had that weekend was more important than my disfunctional uterus. Then, the same woman I had the first time walked into the room. I said hello and explained to her that it's been a very rough week, without going into detail of corse. I then asked her politely if she could PLEASE be as gentle as possible given what rodeo I've been through the past few days. "oh of corse! i'm always gentle". She wasn't. She lied. She sucks.😒

She eventually finished the ultrasound shit show she called "a gentle/relaxing beach vacation", and asked me to wait so I could speak to the nurse on staff. There is was. YES! FINALLY! what I needed to hear. "the problem is your ovaries are not maturing to come down the tube to be fertilized. Im going to reach out to the doctor, get your prescription for medication and hopefully that will help".

I then walked out the door, with the ripped up prescription paper in my hand and never looked back. I called my GP later that day and got referred to another doctor at another fertility practice. 

#PEACEOUTBITCHES

😎

Don't worry, this story is FAR from over. 

To be continued......