Chapter 11: The First Biopsy

 

So reluctantly, a few days later I returned to the gynaecologist for my uterine biopsy. Im not going to lie I did not really want to go back, but I didn't really have any other options at this point. I felt very conflicted, naturally, as I have through most of this friggin' shit show of a journey up until this point. On one hand, I couldn't help but feel something was going on with me internally, despite not having any idea of the path that was soon in front of me. On the other hand, why is it that almost all the doctors i've experienced unto this point suck SO MUCH!! GAHHH! 😠

Where is the compassion? the understanding? the G.D. human element?! 

Listen, I get it, we all have a job to do, bills to pay, mouths to feed (including our own). From what I've learned, though my life travels, doctors only get paid by the number of individual people they see. Hence why, for most of them, you are only a patient, a "number", and not a person or human being with a back story, feelings, or even a face at all for that matter. This is clearly shown in their actions as they are always looking at their "screens", well most of them anyway. Again, where is the compassion, willingness to EFFECTIVELY listen, basic G.D. respect.

Unfortunately, I have enough stories about this I could rant for hours, if not days. But truly that's not why we're here. Let's get to the point, I know, I know, always distracted.😆

SO......I arrive at the gynaecologist. Once again hoping it's not the same song and dance as before, but also not overly optimistic at the same time. Did I wait TWO hours in the main waiting room? yes.😐 Did I THEN wait another 40 mins in the all too familiar room, styled as a prison cell? why yes, yes I did.  Hot damn you're on a roll!👏👏 Oh and lets not forget about the legendary"rollie" chair also made a repeat appearance! YESSSSS!!!!! Jeez, since we've spent so much time alone together up to this point, we're basically on a first name basis. I shall call him Rupert.... Rupert the Rollie chair. Maybe even "Rupee" for short🥰 😂 If you really think about it, he's like the perfect man! he's a GREAT listener, he never talks back, he helps you when you need a break to sit and rest your feet, ANNNNND can bring you to where you need to go without even telling him the destination! i.e desk to the file cabinet. Its like he's the only "man" ever in history to actually know what a woman wants without even asking! "Rupee the female mind reader" i'm gonna patent that shit and sell the heck out of it, imma be #richAF! Just me and Rupert taking over the world together, let me tell you....😆

Nevertheless,  I was called into the room with the doctor eagerly awaiting for whatever ungodly action was about to unfold. She told me to take off my pants and lay down on the table, but at least she said hi first. Already making progress I see. She then stepped out of the room to allow me some privacy to get situated for what will be the adventure of a lifetime i'm sure.😒

I laid down on the exam table, bare as a newborn baby from the waist down, ready to face whatever was about to happen. Luckily, they gave me a sheet to cover my lower half seeing as whoever were to walk in the room would end up meeting me cooter first.👋  The doctor then knocked and walked back into the room, and once again sat at her computer firing off another sequence of randomly "relevant" questions. All of a sudden....silence....the most loud, deafening, obnoxious silence anyone has ever heard.  Knowing myself, I thrive in that kinda situation! 💃 At least this time I didn't have to worry about her actually looking at me instead of the screen seeing as I was busy counting the ceiling tiles.....fun!

I then said "so...I've never had a biopsy before, is this going to hurt?" she then responded "it might a little, but you should be ok since you took a pain reliever". WAIT WHAT!?.....oh shit, here we go.... "Uhh, I wasn't told anything about taking any pain reliever". She then responded "you didn't take any Advil or Tylenol before you came?", 

"umm no, no-one told me I should take anything before. Ive never had a biopsy, so I never knew I had to take anything." 

"No-one told you? Im sure the last time you were here, you were told to take some pain reliever before you arrived today." 

"NO, no-one told my anything.  All I was told was to come here for a biopsy and thats it". 

"Oh thats not good, you should go back out to the receptionist and book another appointment within the next few days and come back then".  

UHHH....HOW ABOUT NO. I literally just spent almost 3 hours of my life here which I will never get back, although it was meaningfully spent with Rupert.  Not to mention I have a damn life, bills to pay, and like you, a job to be at. The LAST thing im going to do is come back "in a few days" just to do this bullshit all over again. NOPE!....not me.

I then proceeded to tell her that i'm already here, and waited almost 3 hours. I refused to go home so "let's get this over with.".....famous......last.....words.

Yes, it actually happened. I had a uterine biopsy without any pain medication. Would I do it again? absolutely not. Looking back, should I have went back another day? probably. But what's done is done at this point. Not gonna lie, the copious amount of swear words that came out of my mouth in a span of 60-120 seconds would make even Samuel L Jackson want to read a bible while blushing.

Oh the nausea, so so so much nausea. All joking aside, you know when you are in SO much pain you want to vomit? Yeah. That was me. I'm actually surprised and proud of myself for not throwing up on the carpet while she was doing it. Mind you I did have to take quite a few "breather breaks" just to survive. But I did it. I got through another disaster of an appointment. In fact, I was actually able to get a glimpse of the sample, and i'm fairly certain she took more than she needed to. It. Was. Huge. Wether or not she needed to, i'm gonna choose the high road and say hopefully she wasn't being spiteful and took more than she needed knowing I hadn't taken any medication for pain management.😒 Jeez.

Once again, I got dressed and then waddled back to the receptionist to unfortunately book another appointment in 2 weeks for my results. As this is generally how long it takes to get back a pathologist report.  For those of you who do not know what a pathologist is... Dr. Google says, basically a pathologist is a person who runs tests to help doctors decipher and confirm different diseases provided in biopsy samples of different areas of the body.

Luckily, the receptionist said I could just get the results via phone and would not have to come in. WHOO HOO! But my dear Rupert. Oh how i'll miss him. We had some good long hours together, but are now a distant memory. I'll never forget you Rupert. I'll never forget you.😘

That being said, just when I thought I was in the clear. I threw up, ooh yeah I did. Full on in the parking lot. Didn't even make it to the car. Luckily I didn't barf IN the car so thats a win. Nevertheless, what have we learned from this children? Always, and I mean ALWAYS take Advil/Tylenol before a biopsy no matter if they tell you to or not.

To be continued...