Chapter 47: Fertility Doctor......the reality

Hey all,

So as always let me be completely transparent here. Normally with this blog and all its wonderful and crazy "fun-filled" glory. I would do a post every week. Im sure you all have noticed that it seems to have been every other week as of late. My honest answer to this is certainly not due to lack of content by any means. H3ll this crazy sh*t basically writes itself, truly.  At this point however, for me, is where the story really got difficult. Ironically enough, yes the whole thing has been a "crap circus" at best. But this was certainly a hard pill to swallow for sure. In the last entry I spoke about finally deciding to have a hysterectomy, even though seems the decision was already made for me. Despite having to make this decision, I on some weird level was still hopeful that we could grow our family, and that wouldn't be the end of our fertility journey. 

In my mind, being the problem solver that I am, I couldn't help but think that there must be another way, h3ll even a loophole to this whole horror like fun house/rollercoaster sh*t show. In my mind, it just made sense since they were going in there for the hysterectomy, could they not just take out my eggs at the same time and freeze them for later? Just pop those suckers in the freezer beside a pint of Haagen daas or the frozen vegetable medley you got lying around. Oh c'mon bro, don't be bashful, we all have that frozen vegetable medley's in our freezers, takin up space, sitting there for at least the past 8 months freezer burned. We all know that by this point we should get rid of it but cant seeing as although we have the intention to "eat healthier", which is why we have it in there to begin with. Im sure we would all rather have seasoned tater tots or oh well anything else by this point first before those freezer burned cubes of what they say is supposed to be carrots and peas or whatever.

But I digress.....

Naturally I reached out to Dr. J to have a meeting with her  to discuss my options/hopes and wishes going forward. As the pandemic continued to be "a thing", we were once again able to meet through a virtual meeting for safety, which I didn't mind of corse. I'm always happy to see her, really. After giving her a brief update of what had been happening over the past little while with my cancer diagnosis, I dove right in to asking her about the egg retrieval. In my mind of corse it seemed very simple for the most part. It just made sense, since they were going in there for the uterus and ovaries anyway, might as well just yank those eggs out and freeze those suckers. Right? Simple "bro science" I figure. HA! the fact that it being "bro science" alone should tell you for sure it's not gonna be so easy or even happen at all. But again, what do I know? nothing apparently, but I'll dive deeper into that later.

So As mentioned, I was in the meeting with Drt. J and giving her an update of what's been happening as of late. I did mention to her what my thoughts were about the possibility of any egg retrieval, and my "bro science" concepts of how easy it should be that even a cat with an extra thumb could do it....

Well... maybe not this specific cat. He looks a little too young, I don't think he's gone to medical school yet. Maybe wait a few years for him, still has that naive grade 9 look. Not yet tainted by what the real world will actually do to him yet.......... like the rest of us.

Lucky for me I OBVIOUSLY could not have even been more wrong, and of corse its ridiculously complicated. So the way Dr. J explained it to me was to start this whole thing I would have to start with a round of IVF. Where they would pump me full of hormone drugs for 7 days. Then 36 hours before the retrieval, I would be given a "trigger shot"and then the retrieval would begin. Seems simple enough, yet not at all. Heres the catch, as time sensitive as the egg retrieval would be, unfortunately, surgery however is not. Things happen, emergencies happen, h3ll life happens. So to that I responded to Dr. J ok, but I am still willing to try, as to which she responded. Unfortunately, the hospital operating room is set up as a hospital operating room, not for fertility procedures. Because of that, they would have to bring all of the retrieval equipment with them to the retrieval. Once again my response was, ok lets try it.

Dr. J then proceeded to inform me, that they have done retrieval's like this in the past, however she then mentioned that of all the times they have tried to do it. Not once has it ever been successful.UGH REALLY!?! like NONE!? Well just my luck I guess. It was at that point that the super stubborn part of me was saying "YO CHICK! don't you DARE give up!" but then the reality/logical part of me was telling me to pick my battles, and is this a hill I really want to die on.......LITERALLY.

It was at that point I couldn't help but feel nothing but defeated. I tried to fight so hard for what felt like so long, and now its over. As much as I tried to keep fighting, but was still realistic to what the end might actually be. In no way did I think it would actually happen. Deep down inside I always had some small amount of hope that we could be able to grow our family. However now that it was official that would never happen, if I said I wasn't upset, of corse id be lying......but it is what it is I guess...

Till next time all...