Chapter 40: Yet another biopsy

 Hi all,

So in the last post, it outlined a very tumultuous few days after the conversation I had with my oncologist. Naturally my mind was everywhere and anywhere other than where it should actually be.

I’m sure your mind would be all over the place too if your doctor told you there is a fairly probable possibility that your cancer was longer have stage I. There’s a good chance it’s now stage III. Sh*t!….. for the past few months I was on fight mode, as that was what seemed so natural to me. "Im gonna be fine, im gonna be ok, ill get through this and come out on top!" I would regularly tell myself. Despite anytime I would have to go downtown for a oncologist appointment, I would have regular mental breakdowns/crying fits in my car. Im sure it made for great entertainment for the other drivers on the DVP highway. However, by some divine intervention, it’s gone. Whats gone you ask? my fight, Up and left, and the fu*ker didn’t even say bye. 🤨 Rude. Not surprising….. if it’s anything like me, it most likely it went for ice cream, got distracted and never came back.🤷🏻‍♀️ Now it seems the only option I had left out of the fight or flight, was the flight. Mind you, that being said, I could go for a cone right now. Mmmmmm ice cream.🍦 

Since we’re here, I feel compelled to take a poll. Best vanilla cones out there? Hands down McDonalds for sure, ALL DAY  McDonald’s cones are where it’s at bro! I dare anyone to prove me wrong. Exactly you can’t they are delicious! On any given day I double fist those puppies and have 2 at a time. Not proud of it but it’s the truth.🐶🙃🐶 However anyone have any input for who #2 might be? Not gonna lie I’m leaning towards Kawartha Dairy. Raspberry thunder and Bordeaux cherry in a waffle cone?!? YO! Not gonna lie would make a midnight run for that if they were open 24hours 🤤🤤🤤 Probably a good thing they aren’t.😏

So where was I? confused as usual....LOL

It was at this point my oncologist wanted to do another biopsy, fair. So downtown to Princess Margaret I went again, doing the typical routine of playing 90's boy band music to keep me company. I feel at this point that might be a little too predictable and I might need to switch up my music choices. Mind you I did have a good ol' Linking Park jam session on my way to work this morning, that was fun. Nothing like some "Nu Metal" to get your day going on the right foot on the 401 highway.

As usual, when I arrived I had to wait in line to be screened to go into the hospital. I feel at this point I should just walk around with a banner stapled to my forehead with a summary of all the typical "screener questions" with an automatic no as the answer. But aside from that, the really funny part is that seems the people asking you the screener questions hate asking you them almost as much if not more than you having to answer them! Look I get it, it sucks, but seeing as you work at a cancer hospital it would be nice if you had just at least a little pep in your step y'know?! Maybe at least try to fake it till you make it like the rest of us out here trying not to die.....#foodforthought.

So I arrive at the doctors clinic and do my usual routine of waiting in the waiting room an hour and a half before I'm actually called into the second waiting room aka the exam room. The nurse calls me in and asks me the same routine questions as always. Just before she leaves the room, I turn to her and say "umm are you going to take my weight?". She then looked up at me and down at her chart and was like oh yeah sure follow me. Now normally I wouldn't be so adamant about wanting to share my weight. However, given the fact that I had been totally kicking a$$ at it and felt it was the only good thing I had going for me at this point, I was happy to share, in fact encourage her to weigh me. Much to her surprise I had list quite a bit from the last time I was weighed by that clinic and she had me weigh in twice to be sure. Yeah thats right, twice bit*hes! HA! She then asked me to go into the exam room, take off everything below my waist and lay down on the exam table. Well this was certainly a pleasant surprise! Being given descriptive and thorough direction of what I needed to do next, instead of the "get ready and lay down" I got from the crap-show fertility clinic at the beginning of this whole garbage show of a life saga of mine. Nevertheless, I eagerly obliged.

Much to, what seemed to be my dismay, it was not Dr. F who was doing my next biopsy, it was another doctor. I guess you could call her one of her "minions" to do all of her vagina looking grunt work. Lets see if I had "minions", what would I make them do? Definitely wash my dishes, I hate doing that. Thank the Lort we have a dishwasher. Well its kinda a given that I would have them make me ice cream, DUH! But I also think I would have them go to culinary school and cook for me, and the others become certified fitness trainers to help get me in shape. Yeah, thats not a bad idea at all. Oh and of corse, I would have them clean up our home, especially the bathtub, but thats also a given.

ANYWHOOO.... So another new doctor came into the room to do my biopsy. She was very nice and actually quite pretty. Theres really nothing to make you feel more self conscious than having a tall beautiful doctor who could also work as a GAP model, part time or on weekends, staring into your vaginal canal. You think by now it would feel normal, seeing as what felt now to be the hundreds if not thousands of health care workers that have seen me spread eagle in the hospital. Not to mention Fertility clinic. Its like at this point I should be taking this as a compliment that everyone keeps looking at my lady bits. Maybe they are taking mental pictures of it so they can recreate it into a statue for the hospital lobby, or at this point my tombstone possibly...??? "Here lies Laurie, with a heart so golden. Cancer made her kick the bucket, while her legs were wide open."😂😂 Oh Lort I kill myself!😂😂😂😂 For those of you who are worried, don't i'm still here, able to piss you off another day.

Nevertheless, the doctor was very nice and listened to all of my concerns. We had a very good conversation, probably because I was her last appointment of the day so she had some time to spend with me. Well longer than 5 minutes anyway. I briefly spoke to her about my journey thus far and what might be next for me. She reassured me that I was certainly in good hands, which I knew, but it didn't hurt to hear from someone else outside of the various voices in my head. 😂😂 Kidding. But really though, she was very kind and compassionate to my situation. Also she took her time when doing my biopsy. Lucky for me I was able to have a heads up this biopsy was happening so I could take some Tylenol and Advil before I got there. Did it help? meh not really. But it did help knowing she was willing to go at my pace. There were a few times I became nauseous from the pain and needed to take a break, she had no problem with that. Mind you probably because she didn't want to have to be the one to clean up the vomit mess I was going to leave if she chose not to listen and kept going.

She then proceeded to explain to me the typical treatment women receive in situations like mine. Seeing as Dr F. Is so good but very busy, I can see why she often talks so fast that even she has trouble keeping up with herself. 😂  The doctor then also explained what is removed during a hysterectomy surgery, if that was the route I chose to go down.  Like I said she was very nice. Before I knew it the appointment was done and I was free to go. She said that Dr. F would follow up with me if she had any follow up questions or clairification. Naturally I could not get out of there fast enough, mainly because I wanted to beat the traffic, and ice cream for emotional support on the way home. Normally people have emotional support animals....not me....I have emotional support ice cream.😂😂🍦🍨😍

Until next Monday 💖