Chapter 35: CT 3 mo. Post IUD Surgery

Well, this seems all too familiar to be honest. It seems the MRI's and CT's are always lumped together. I guess because they are so similar in their results, and how they show the body that it just makes them easy to compare I guess. But h3ll, what do I know i'm not a doctor let alone an oncologist.

Im happy to say that looking back at last weeks post, that I had a pretty good MRI, the second time. For those of you who are not familiar with the Hospital layout, the CT and MRI area's at PMH are in the same section, despite being on opposite ends of the hall from each other.  Lucky for me the staff that were there the first MRI, were not there the second time, so smooth sailing. However, seems though going back for my follow up CT, I was not so lucky as the MRI.

Here we go, it was only a few days later after the follow up MRI that I had to head back downtown to the hospital for my follow up CT. A journey now, that seemed all too familiar by this point. Naturally, after the first MRI and CT experience I had, I couldn't help but not fully relax until the CT was over. Primarily for not wanting to see the staff from the first MRI, but also from some "interesting/questionable results" I got back already from the second MRI. Which I will be elaborating more on later.

So I arrived at the hospital already thinking in my head of how fast I wanted to get this over with. Ironically enough, despite the pandemic, this was a test my husband was actually able to attend. Mind you I use the term "attend" very loosely in this context. Seeing as my CT was 7:30pm, and even on a good day, DURING the day, i'm terrified of being horror movie cliche in the PMH parking garage. There was no way I was going to this appointment after dark by myself. Mind you the most positive part of going that late, was I got a really amazing parking spot right by the door and didn't have to fight anyone for it. WHOO HOO! Unfortunately, my husband had to stay in the car, but he was still able to walk me to and from the door of the hospital back to the car. Just incase leather face from chainsaw massacre started chasing me, or that a-hole pennywise a.k.a. the daemon clown decided to lure me into the sewer grate with his bulls*t red balloon.

Mind you, I could get down with a red balloon, but he'd have to try a little harder than just a ballon. I may be easily distracted by colourful and shiny things, but i'm not cheap! that sucker better put in a little more effort than that.  I wonder what he would need to be able to lure me into a sewer?.....lets see..... maybe some ice cold rootbeer and Malibu coconut rum (if you haven't tried it, YOU MUST), an adorable puppy of any breed basically (I LOVE me all dogs, except those hairless ones those things are weird as sh*t), and of corse ice cream! If he had Haagen Das strawberry cheesecake, Kawartha Bordeaux cherry, or Kawartha raspberry thunder....BRO!......I'm not gonna lie, I wouldn't really put up much of a fight. Hope he doesn't end up reading this and gets any ideas.  Side note........Am I the only one who thinks his forehead is weird as fu*k? like who has a forehead that big?!  forehead? na man not this guy! his is so big its a freakin 7 head! forget forehead. Looks like he needs an epic hair transplant, not to mention a h3lla good exfoliator to smooth out his 7 head with. Maybe I should drop my hairdressers business card next time I pass a sewer grate. Just as a polite gesture. What can I say, I have a big heart and are willing to help almost anyone who needs it. No matter how big their forehead is....

Food for thought I guess lol.

So here we are I made it into the hospital safe and sound due to my knight in shining armour/a-hole clown repellant wearing husband. MY HERO! Im definitely gonna keep him for sure. I walked up to the CT reception area to check in, and immediately my stomach jumped all the way into my throat. Well if i'm truly honest, it almost flew out and landed on the floor right in front of me. Why you ask?, well im happy to tell you. Turns out the same receptionist that was there the day of my first MRI was sitting at the desk waiting for the next patient to arrive, and oh look that sucker was me. SON OF A BI*CH!

For those of you who do not seem to recall her....she is from chapter 16 of this sh*t show of a saga of mine. Go ahead, feel free to take some time and search back to the previous chapter if you feel necessary. No problem, I'll wait, its 9:18pm on a Tuesday, I don't have anywhere else to be other than my bed as soon as i'm done here. Why yes, she was the woman who I yelled at  for telling me to go down to the lobby and  use the phone by the front hospital entrance in the middle of the day, to call my doctor about some possible mythical "ear metal" that I may or may not have. All while only wearing a hospital gown, with nothing, and I mean NOTHING else under it. Yuh huh, a winner she is. Listen, just because I walk around my house naked, doesn't mean I should feel compelled to excessively do it in public all willy nilly like that. No shade to those who are down for that, I just prefer to keep my peep shows private, and behind my window curtains, know what I mean?

Anyway.

So I walked up to the receptionist and immediately thought to myself, i'm sure she has seen hundreds of people since me and the occurrence of that initial incident. Im sure she will not remember me, I should be fine. But just incase ill be SUPER nice to her so I don't tip her off and she remembers me. Turns out that train of thought shouldn't have even bothered to have left the station. Seeing as soon as she saw me she immediately had an "oh sh*t"/deer in headlights look on her face. It's like I could see the words "oh fu*k she's back, FU*K!" written right across her forehead. H3ll not even on her forehead, it was written on a gigantic sign in flashing neon lights sitting above her head while being propped up by a marching band playing hit the road jack by Ray Charles. Not to mention with a cavalcade of fireworks behind it for a little extra pizzaz and finesse.

Yeah something like that....

Nevertheless, I went up to the desk and tried to be as nice as possible. Why you ask? well I didn't want the bad Karma, if Im completely honest. If I can ever help it, I never want my name to proceed me in a negative way. Especially if I can help it from happening, ya' know? So I was nice and pretended like I didn't know who she was and never yelled at her before. She was quite pleasant, handed me my evil chalk-filled garbage water I had to drink, and I sat down as far as I possibly could out of her sightline without leaving the actual Imaging area.

About 45 minutes later, they called me in to get changed into yet ANOTHER hospital gown. Man if it wasn't a pandemic, I would have just bought my own and brought it in. At least to save the hospital staff the laundry for at least the 2 gowns I normally use. But thats neither here nor there.

I then walked over to the CT machine room and answered a few simple standard questions. The CT staff then asked me to lay down on the machine table. She then proceeded to search my arms for my "peek-a-boo veins" to start an IV for the CT dye injection. Well, yet again my veins thought they were going for a gold medal in the olympics with how long it took for her to find them.

She eventually called her co-worker who was able to start the IV. Once it was in, I then proceeded to basically beg the woman to not have to wear a mask during the test. As to which she basically responded, "umm yeah no.... keep it on".....SIGH! so I did. I did however try to explain to her due to my weight and sleep apnea, I naturally have great difficulty breathing normally when laying down and my hands are NOT placed strategically over my head. At this point she might as well have said " cool story bro....I don't give a rat's a$$ lets get started with your mask ON."

The thing is with CT dye, for those of you who are not familiar. One of the effects is that it makes your entire body EXTREMELY hot for about 30 seconds-2 minutes. Trust me, for those 2 minutes you feel like you body has basically completely caught on fire.  Not painful though at all, just REALLY fu*king hot. Then it's gone, like it never happened. OH and not to mention the whole time you are hot as fu*k, you need to hold your breath, while basically sweat feels like its about to drip in and out of every nook, cranny, over and/or under your private lady bits. DESPITE wearing only a hospital gown, which you would think is ideally supposed to be allowing the possibility of optimal air flow. LIES!

Lucky for me it was over. Not too soon might I add. Now I know why the meme at the top of this post makes so much sense. Seeing as soon as the test was over, I was running out of the hospital imaging area as fast as I could as well.

PEACE OUT!

I then met my husband at the lobby door and we walked to the car. I couldn't have been more happy to see his face and make our way back home.

Lort I love that man.

Until next week all, see you next Monday!

P.S. I WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU! 

let me know what you want me to write about! could be anything. As much as it breaks my heart to say i'm sure eventually this crazy story may end but I certainly would like to keep writing. Feel free to share some ideas. Can be health or cancer related or not all suggestions are welcome. Either feel free to comment, email, or follow me on instagram @choosingjoy.endocancer.blog