Chapter 2: The Beginning......first fertility visits

First off....

Please let me tell you all how grateful I am to have such an amazing response from my first post. 

HOLY COW 🐮

I am so honoured and cannot express how much love and support I feel just from that one post! AHHHH!  but, can we also have a moment of silence for how amazing and cute that cow emoji is😆

OK sorry.... got distracted and this is a long one.... 😁

So, i'm sure you all have questions about how we got here.... and WTF you have cancer?!? yes this is true, and no, I do not know the meaning of life or why we are here. But, I will tell you my story of how I found out I had cancer. Using very poor grammar mind you😊. I do have to give a warning, not all of these stories will be filled with joy. Despite the name of this blog, what I can promise you though, is realness and honesty.  As crazy as some of these might be I can 100% reassure you, all of this and future stories have actually happened to me personally.  Trust me I couldn't make this crap up, even if I tried.

I was lucky enough to marry the love of my life in 2017, he's SO cute by the way and VERY much mine. 😏 Just throwing it out there....YEAH BUDDY💋

Dammit! again distracted....sorry.  

Enter Jan 2020.....

So we have been talking about expanding our family for a while.  The saying usually goes if you are over 30 (or 30 something) and do not get pregnant after a year, you should reach out for help.  Well that's exactly what I did, I looked far and wide at any and all fertility clinics within a 100 km radius. Why you ask? well, why the heck not bro?! and of course using Dr. Google as well.   So after plenty of research, I felt I found the place I was looking for, which had a very high star Google rating by the way.  Not to mention, it was recommended to me personally by multiple people. 

No, I am not saying the name, primarily because there are not any positive experiences that are about to follow, and I don't want to get sued.  It was not a coincidence why I chose to document my story on a free blog platform....just saying.😏

So being a woman of a higher BMI, to say the least, I thought I had an idea of what the dr might say when I met him. BRO!....you just wait for this doozy of a ride...... The doctor told me to "have a seat" when I walked into his office, without even having the respect to look at me.  Apparently his computer screen was way more important than my beautiful mug. Like CMON! have you seen my profile pic?! #hottie. Nevertheless, again without even looking at me, he said...and I quote....."your BMI is way too high,  It needs to be between ___ and ___, yours is ____.  Have you even ever tried to lose weight?" 

OH.... THE..... IGNORANCE! Not even a hi? hello? your shirt looks nice, cool pants?!.....It's been a year since this happened in Feb 2020 but the salt still burns the wound....clearly.

My response "uh yeah actually, I've lost 68 pounds so far". He then looked at me with one brow up and said "huh...really?" paused...."well that's clearly not enough. You have a lot more to go." Then proceeded without asking me, in fact TOLD me, that he was putting in a referral for me to have bariatric surgery. Like he was doing me a favour....

UMMMMM EXCUSE ME! 

Hey Bro.....How about no. I understand that everyone has their own path through life and hey, that's cool whatever toots your horn. But rest assured, that this damn well is not tooting mine! Not that it was ever any of his damn business, but weight loss surgery has never been an option for me. Again to each their own but the "easy way out", in my opinion, isn't always the "best/healthiest way out"

At that point, he then proceeded to continue to give his ignorant/bullsh*t opinion, while ripping into my husband about his "poor life choices". It was rough/hard and naturally I felt protective of my sweet husband. But I also felt pure embarrassment and guilt for bringing him to meet this animal of a man. Just to have him berated and looked down upon. As most of you know me, I have a VERY colourful vocabulary, which rest assured includes ALL the colours of the rainbow 😏. But, I was so shocked that literally nothing came out of my mouth. We then left the room not having any idea what just happened, or what step might be next.  The doctor explained nothing, even if he did I was so pissed, I remembered none of it.  IN FACT, it was the receptionist that had to go over  and explain everything to me. As naturally my husband walked out.  She then asked me how the appointment went...with one look, oh she knew how it went. "Yeah, he's not really known for having great bedside manor". NO SH*T SHERLOCK.

However, Onward and upward we go.  Having worked in health care I understand that not everyone is super sweet with teddy bears and roses. But SERIOUSLY!👀 hey bro, listen, if someone peed AND took a big crap in your cornflakes this morning, how's that my problem?!....I digress, and take a breath. Moving on, and trying not to keep banging the keys on my keyboard as I type.  Sorry Marty (that's what I call my new MacBook ). OK...yes again distracted. Moving on.😜

Yes I can be stubborn. Yes I'm persistent, especially when it comes to ignorant people. Most importantly, YES, I just wanted to find out if anything was wrong with me.... and if so, what?

So from what I understand, fertility clinic visits are based around your cycle and tracking etc. ok cool. So it just so happened that I had to be there almost every day that following week. Not gonna lie. Probably should have stayed home. 20/20 vision isn't always so clear in the moment.

Once again, I pride myself as a health care worker/client advocate and a good one at that. Not once, aside from the kind receptionist did I feel respected by that company or its staff. I showed up the next visit at 6am before work, and did my blood work, seeing as that was what I was booked for and informed was all I had to do... I then was told to wait in the welcome area, after I said bye to the lady, and was on my way out. "Ummm for what reason exactly" I said, "you have an ultrasound"...wait, what? ok, well whatever, here we go.  I went into the ultrasound room, a different staff, again without looking at me, by the way, pointed towards the exam table saying "get ready and lay on the table".

Cool, so clearly we were not speaking the same language as I wasn't even notified I had this random ultrasound. So WTF does "get ready" mean lady?! So I responded "umm im not sure how to get ready, should I take off my shirt or something? I didn't even know I had this ultrasound, none told me".  Her response "No,  of course not, take off your pants/underwear and lay down, i'll wait for you", while she turned her back to me. My response..."umm im supposed to take my pants off with the door wide open?"  Which it was, WIDE FREAKIN open to the hallway while various people walked by. "Of course not", she responded, then turned around and closed the door.

What happened next was truly just a barrel of laughs...*enter sarcastic look here* 😒  she poked and prodded me like a magician trying to conjure up a dead rabbit out a damn hat.  Again, must I say,  *enter sarcastic look here*.  For those of you who have had one, yeah you know. Oh I know you know. You never forget that kind of carnival fun ride. Personally, my favourite part was when they were measuring the size of my eggs.....said no-one ever in life. 😖

But I survived it.  Lucky enough for me I had to go back and do that 2-3 more times that week. Apparently once was not enough, and they must have missed my company I guess. As truly I am a freakin' barrel of laughs 😜

That's all for now, as it's way past my bedtime. But no fret friends, the story is FAR from over and this is only the beginning. Remember, don't forget to choose joy, as deep down it is always an option. Night.😴