Chapter 9: My other journey...

 

So I know up to this point, this blog has primarily been about my journey with my fertility issues and cancer. For those of you who have been following along we are at post #8 now?, WOW!  However, I feel as though I would be doing myself a disservice if I did not talk about my weight loss journey as well.

For most of you who do know me personally, you know I have been obese most, if not my entire life. Not chunky, curvy, fluffy, pudgy, husky, or fat.  At this point, let's call a spade a spade people.  I'm obese, it is what it is, and I'm owning it.💪 Naturally, people who are not in this situation may not realize its not as simple as "well tell her fat ass to get on a treadmill and stop eating cake".  For the record, I DO NOT like cake. Ice cream is my vice thank you very much.🍦🤤  Not to make excuses for myself or anyone else, but most likely if someone is the same size as I was, there's A LOT more going on being the scenes than just a love of fried food and doughnuts.......mmmmm Krispy Kreme🤤. Lucky for me I'm "gluten-free" now so I can't eat those anymore, enter sarcastic tone here.😢 😒

Nevertheless, what i'm really saying is the classic "don't judge a book by its cover" quote really does apply here. Like I mentioned in previous posts, surgery was never an option for me. Was it something Ive though about? SURE!, was it something I've even looked into? ABSOLUTELY!,  was I even on the 2 year waitlist for the Guelph Centre for bariatric excellence? 100%, and in the meantime, did I signup and attend the Bernstein diet clinic? SURE DID! At the end of the day, as frustrated as I have been with my weight my entire life, I knew for me, surgery was not the path I wanted to take.

I think the best way to describe it, it's a very surreal out of body experience. I feel as though my body is not my own.  I always felt as though I was a "thin woman" stuck in someone else's body with no control of what goes into it. Obviously this is not 100% accurate, as i'm sure your thinking....uhh, weren't you the one hoovering that whole plate of pasta in your kisser? Why yes, YES I WAS. and to be honest, people who do not have a food addiction like I have will never understand that.

Let's play a game. The next time you watch your favourite TV show, #greysanatomyisLIFE/#90day financeisLIFE. Count how many commercials you see that are either about food, or include some sort of food to sell the product they want you to buy.  Also try and be conscious of how they display the food. Yes OF CORSE it looks hella tasty, its supposed to make your mouth water so you'll buy it. DUH!...mmmm Wendy's Dave's single 🤤, once again NOT "gluten-free"😒 But what I mean is, how do they portray the environment  surrounding the food. More often than not, its more than one person gathered together, having fun, laughing, enjoying themselves.  Food is a sense of comfort, food is a sense of love, food is a sense of community and belonging for many of us. Hence why do you think many people's pants no longer fit having been through this freakin pandemic?!? Nope, you are not allowed to see your brother who doesn't live with you, but OH LOOK! there's Mac&cheese in the cupboard. And people wonder why they are #GainingCOVID's19😂

Nevertheless, for me, weight has been a life long struggle. To be completely honest when I got married, I was probably close to the highest I've ever been. Yep, that would be close to 425 lbs/size 5X ladies and gentlemen, give or take a pound or 10....

WHOO HOO! look at that sexy lady at her bridal shower, looking like some peptobismol flavoured ice cream.  I never realized it until now how swollen I looked. No like forreal. Was I stung by ALL the bees, not some I mean like ALL of them that have ever exhisted?!😂

To be honest I've come a long way since then.  Having lost over 100 lbs since this photo, I couldn't be prouder. Although somedays I feel as though my life has taken many "downward" turns since then. I know at the end of the day mentally and physically, that is a place I never want to be in again.

To be continued...

P.s. Feel free to comment, just say Hi/Hello, or just send a wave below! id love to know who is actually reading this thing 😎. Trust me I stalk the comments religiously 🤣