Choosing Joy

*NOTE*:  this is not me specifically, but more or less a representation of me trying to get through this cancer garbage while in a pandemic. Hey all, So as I mentioned in the past post, I am very much in the "thick of it now" at this point in the story, clearly. FML. 🤦🏻‍♀️ As you can imagine, my head is in any given place other than where it should be at this point. If im completely honest, as tough as it was to work throughout the pandemic, it was truly a blessing at the same time. Mind you, I could say the same thing about working during this whole cancer situation. I know most people might not continue to work during  a "cancer situation" like this . However, for me, I am certainly not like most people, and I in fact welcomed it. As a self proclaimed "workaholic" it really was the best thing for me to basically submerge, dare I say drown, myself in my work head first.  Well now that I think about it, what might that even look like anyway?  of corse we...

  Hey all, Just an FYI, I thought the above meme was incredibly accurate for the next chapter of this so called sh*t show we have going on here.  I have also decided this little boy's name is Hubert.  Hubert J. Solomon to be exact. Wow, that sounds ridiculously specific, Yes I know, one of my many talents is making weird sh*t happen.  But is that really his name you ask?, as far as I know it to be true yes. But is that his actual name?, well I have no idea, but he looks like a Hubert to me so let's just go with that for now. 😂  So let’s recap where I left off.  Since we last left the story, I spoke with my oncologist who said basically at this point, since the most recent scans showed abnormalities in my lymph nodes, they were certainly concerned that the cancer may have travelled. Which long story short, means the cancer may now be stage III and not stage I.  FML. 🤦🏻‍♀️ So let's think, what now? what's the next step?  Personally I had no idea,...

                                                              Thoughts. For years I thought that vulnerability was simply a word that people used to express thoughts and feelings to other people, never myself. Just the thought of being vulnerable was completely sickening to me. To the point where I would rather make myself violently ill, just to avoid it. When it came to anyone else being vulnerable  with me at all,  naturally, I would automatically welcome them.  While continuously supporting, and embracing them all with open arms. No questions asked, just my personality. But why?, why is this concept such a taboo topic for me personally? If I say part of it wasn't because of my upbringing, i'd be lying to you... Despite the constant internal struggles within myself. Seemed that the hard fought demanding road of streng...